Let me start by saying that loving to be alone is not a
disease. Period! You are not suffering from any world-hating-solitude-loving
disease. It is the way some people are made. They try being in a group, crowd,
happening places but they might crave alone-ness most of the time.
I am one of those people. I like going out but given an
option I love being alone at home. I love walking at my home alone, reading
alone, having tea alone. I am not sick. I am not mad at anyone. I am not angry at
this world. I don’t have an attitude. I don’t think I am superior.
I understand that there are many people who would not
understand what I am saying. Staying alone at home when you have an option of
going out or chilling with friends? Why? Is that even normal? But I want to make those people understand.
I am such a person who hates sitting on the sofa with a group
of people discussing things that don’t matter. I might like a political or a
scientific or a random discussion sometimes but that will come with a price
that I have had enough time with myself so that I can spare time with people. I
have a select group of friends with whom I hang out and we don’t necessarily
discuss important stuff. It is the random-est of all things. But I love giving time
to them to blow off the steam. But that never means I can spend once a week
with people sitting or going out, out of that select circle.
Being brought up in a typical UP Rajput family, I had many
restrictions in life. Not going out with friends and not staying out for long
are the simplest of them. I did not know by then of my alone-loving trait. I craved
for going out and enjoying with friends. But when I started living alone, I preferred
staying home over going out. Little did my parents know that to keep me
grounded, they just had to let me do it and to realize myself that it was not my
cup of tea.
People think marriage changes this sort of thinking. But none
of this has changed for me. My husband loves spending time on his play station
and I on my laptop. That does not reduce the amount of love or compassion.
Books, movies, sitcoms or writing about random stuff, all of
it makes me think straight. I need time to think. I don’t know why I think so
much. My brain keeps buzzing with thoughts and I want to be left alone with it.
It might not even be that important a thought but it’s a thought. My thought ! And
I love it. I don’t have to justify my love for my thoughts and myself.
Isn’t that what even most of the religions also teach? LOVE
thyself!!
I am loving thyself.
